The pragmatic plague of “how to build” became more important than “how to be”
today’s sermon was taken from Psalm 31. The pastor used verses 1 to 5 to elaborate on one word - Refuge. Appearing 3 times in these 5 verses, refuge is more than what i think i know. Something new to me was that refuge means accepting God terms for shelter and protection. So if i have to live in a world of periles and thorns, masked people and unmasked enemies, i have to live it with great joy knowing that the Lord my God my Father is forever in control and i take refuge in Him.
After singspiration (or whatever one calls it) today, i heard simin ask her students a question - did u all do your QT this week? and this went on into an elaborate questioning of the times they did it.. students were made to raise their hands if they did it all 7 days, or 6 days, or at least 3 times etc.. during band practice, our leader kelvin asked us to share about our spiritual lives and most, if not all of us used the number of times we did QT as a benchmark as to how spiritual we are walking with the Lord.
Now my question is, does QT everyday mean a very good walk with the Lord? Then again, i really dunno what kind of answer to give when others ask me how is my spiritual life… Good seems boastful and it might not be really good.. not good would be that i’m lying because i know that it’s not that bad and i’m just trying to be humble? but thats another topic again..
i dun really have a big problem doing my QT everyday. This makes me wonder what the others around my age have been doing since they have problems doing it everyday. Today one of the brothers dennis who is older than me even said that his spiritual life is good.. QT is not consistent but regular.. like 2 consecutive days do, 1 day dun do, 1 day do 1 day dun do.. huh? is that good? if that is already a problem.. den i wonder what kind of problems one will face when dangers in life pile up and one has to face it.. or could it be dangers are already there but we dun even realise that they are dangers? - one main point from this morning’s sermon
i dun want to sound boastful or anything like that.. if anything.. i am more aware of the spiritual state of the church and instead of being disappointed, i hope we will encourage one another to grow closer to God and His word which should be a daily routine! and even more than once.. if we have to eat 3 times a day, shouldn’t we be eating spiritual food like that too, or even more?
ok i still have not dealt with the main problem that is… i do my QT but i dun sense that it’s guarding my heart every moment. i was just sharing with yiqi how difficult it is to be playing every note for the Lord on stage.. many things that take place behind the scenes of preparation gets me complaining in my heart.. even if others dun noe, i noe the Lord knows and i feel very sad.. and because of that.. i can’t play well and i can’t play for him on stage.. just like saturday’s rossini’s performance.. it must have been the worst performance i had so far in YST. even if the whole preparation seemed smooth flowing.. i still find it extremely difficult to be thinking of God’s glory every moment.. ok there were times when that happened.. the most memorable was the vibraphone solo at esplanade.. but how can i train and whack my body and mind to the state that every moment is like that.. even when i’m moving 4 timpani and 1 bass drum all my myself from percussion studio to stage and vice versa?
my teacher jon always teaches us mind games to play.. even daniel trains me to do that.. “how to build”
i dun wanna be a machine.. i wanna be myself even when i know i play for God.
as the wheels roll
and the drums take off
i want to be
when the lights dim
and the stage brightens
i want to be
nervousness overwhelms
or confidence fills
i want to be
come the applause
shout the encores
i want to be
snap the pictures
seize the pizzas
i want to be
forbid it that i should make myself be O Lord
when i want to be
i want to be playing for you
