Project Serve

feels quite long ago when i last wrote here.. maybe cause of the new year events that’s getting me all busy and running around.. tink the new year rush is more or less over.. focus now is really on the malacca mission trip which will be starting this sunday afternoon!

 been practicing the dance.. finally today really enjoyed the dance from my heart.. but still i cant get dance moves look like dance moves.. probably thats y i’m always at the last row.. o nvm lar.. i just wanna do this for Jesus no matter how humiliating it may seem to myself.. after all, mummy did the final touches and i just wanna dance for God alone.. may my heart of service please Lord..

o how difficult it is to stay a cool headed mind after a long day of work.. i tink my temper was quite evident just now during band prac with the guys.. i just dun understand wad alvin is doing on his ME 50 .. may God have mercy on me.. staying true to the gospel.. how did i fair?

 been learning alot more about PArts people these few weeks.. some true colours are showing.. reminds me of the song.. “i see ur true colours…” on the tv… ahh.. wad am i suppose to do? what does God want me to say or dun wan me to say? wad am i suppose even to think? how can i force myself to stay true to God my Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit even when i feel like just slacking one corner? how can i always remind myself that i’m to please God and not man God and not man God and not man?

David did not attack Saul when Saul wanted David’s life. He merely submitted.

David did not become a Saul when Absalom tried to overthrow David even though Absalom wasn’t a David to David.

three kings, one man after God’s heart.

change my heart o God.. make it ever TRUE.. change my heart o God.. may i be like you..

wad does it mean when u put in 100% but its still not enough? does it mean i am not being true to the gospel? 

wad does it mean when it seemed like the whole world is against me and i’m fighting it alone…

it only means that u got to be true to God derrick.. all e best.. no one can help u except God.. stop depending on urself and get hold of God.. 

being true to the gospel.. not about believing in myself.. thinking wad is right..

i dun understand this session at all.. i understand what michael’s saying..but i dun understand how exactly it can be applied to my life.. or rather… maybe i see it but i’m unwilling to change that part of my life.. i feel like a young stubborn boy today.. worse still, i dun feel any guilt or shame.. therefore i want to suppress the truth and say i dun understand how this session can affect my life.. maybe its my problem, maybe its not them..

 God intervene please…

woah.. been a long time since i woke up at 9am.. really shiok man.. thank God for the half day today! really wonderful rest.. haven been really resting even after garage because of the church service come da nian chu yi..

now thinking of wad to write for reflection.. so many thoughts how to write.. dun even noe where i should begin from.. haha! ahhh…

 just finish reading the book on decision making.. so many thoughts that i have to formulate.. may God guide me in the process… just wanna pray and ask that God guides me in all i say and think, that they may be acceptable in His sight.. the heavens declare the glory of God. yet the sun cannot compare to the glory of His love!

garage is over, but real work seemed to have just started..

wanna just thank God for the wonderful things He have done during this whole process.. like all the practices, the skit planning and rehearsing, props, merchandising, logistics, number of people, people to help, jc garage, and to be able to spread the gospel to so many people… really praise the Lord..

garage on saturday seemed to have more impact on my own self compared to friday.. i dunno why but on stage listening to lennard’s sharing, i somehow was impacted by the words of truth.. and as i played who am i, the feeling of unworthiness yet loved by God just overwhelmed me.. nothing of such conviction was ever felt before.. 

looking at da neng, i could see the lost yet hopeful look when he heard the gospel.. i remembered 2 years ago in wallaby exercise when we were doing sentry.. he told me he was looking for an identity for himself.. he was asking who he is.. and the song who am i yesterdae i felt was just so appropriate.. God really plans everything for the good of those who loves him.. never did i expect that daneng would really agree to come garage..

martin and matthew’s acting were great.. but wad impacted me the most was the part where martin just sat on the chair waiting for a reply on his handphone.. only Jesus is forever faithful even when i disappoint him.. no greater love.. that he even died for my sins..

just finished sorting out my church stuff.. playing for service next sunday.. pss due tuesday, reflection due thurs.. mmt pss haven send out yet.. like so many “reports” to write but so similar in nature.. just received sms from sarabelle to bring rags tmr for the great clean up.. wow.. haha

 really wanna thank God for providing me with supporters.. received support from ming yu lao shi.. God’s grace.. i just wanna really let them know how true and great God is working in my life these few weeks in project serve..  i dunno how i should type my feb pss.. may God give me the wisdom to write..

i always used the excuse that it is difficult to totally focus on God on the stage.. its forever a struggle.. but yesterdae on stage with all the lights blinding me.. i realised its possible by God’s grace.. to really know that i’m playing simply for Him and Him alone.. to give all the glory to Him for Him alone thru His lavish gifts of talents on me.. to praise Him with all that i can and am.. its possible! 

but how do i then view mistakes? 

God.. help me view my mistakes as something u allowed to happen.. to remind me to be serious and committed in ur service.. to not affect my soul through future service to you..

Tomorrow is garage..

 did e last final preps for garage.. went out to bedok with some of the guys for last burst of fire.. i wonder why publicity seems abit harder.. maybe cause there’s something to share with them but i din… 

james’ session today really got me thinking.. need time to go back to the notes

garage is tomorrow.. may the Lord bless the work of our hands.. 

theres so much link between supervision and chien chong’s teaching yesterdae during consolidation.. we can be loving caring and stuff, but we cannot be compromising.. compromising is now love.. how can i break that barrier?

 still thinking about if i should continue to serve in yfc after 10th march… wad are the implications? i bring this issue to you Lord.. please guide me along this path…

its only by Your blood and through Your mercy that i can come…

learn boardgames this morning.. having rehearsals until late tonight.. i foresee a challenging time later.. “there’s so much to do that i just wanna spend the first 3 hours of today praying ” - martin luther

i dun have 3 hours.. but i want to keep praying.. i dunno why.. maybe i need your strength, maybe i need to find peace.. christine just asked me why i always look so stressed.. do i? sometimes i find myself very temperamental.. i dunno if thats the correct word to use.. but i find my mood easily changed by circumstances.. actually i only realised that in army… and some friends told me before that i am very hard to work with because of my mood swings.. sometimes.. its not the circumstances that change that make me change my mood.. but i just get affected easily.. sometimes by nothing even! i realise its not very good… cant find the reason but its more or less affecting me in my work to a certain extent.. maybe that’s why i just have this strong desire to pray.. 3C is very distracting..

can i find a time with God despite the havocness in this world?

i have so much to do today that i just want to draw strength and joy from God first - derrick

Love is not only from the heart.. but it must also come from intelligence and willingness.. that is love.. sounds so simple and correct.. but never have i grasp love in such understanding before.. always based love on the very feeling aspect.. things like love is patient love is kind makes sense but i just din noe exactly how to apply them.. but now intelligence and willingness.. means so much to me.. so much to learn.. this means to really do things out of my comfort zone.. to really give up some things in the process too.. cause i see wad God has prepared for those who love Him…

da ge’s filing for divorce.. mum’s very worried.. dad’s just disappointed.. this morning as i was listening to a song called “offering”, i was just reminded once again that my life is an offering to God.. but what a sinner i am that the Lord still wants me.. as i was thinking about da ge’s divorce on the bus, suddenly many people started to stand up and look outside of the bus.. den i saw a man being apprehended by 6 or 7 policemen.. one of them even took out his baton and started whacking him… i was very shocked.. budden i realise i’m a sinner like him as well.. God’s wrath could be so much more than wad i just saw.. i was very scared… and as i was listening to the song still, i realise how unworthy i am.. that even being a servant is too much of a honour to be in God’s kingdom… i felt really unworthy.. i just wept… i couldn’t help but let the tears roll…

we had video conference with alan catchpoole again for this morning’s staff meeting.. i dun really like video conference stuff cause it lacks the interactiveness and it takes extra effort to stay awake.. in the process, i think some important teachings are lost also..

i learnt about having to exile pple from the church if their actions are publicly wrong and are affecting other church members.. this reminded me of sam and anqi…

though yan mu shi put it very straight that they did not approve of their shotgun marriage, we still cannot kick them out of the church because of love.. so we will still let them come our church but real repentance has to come from them.. and according to yan me shi, they did really repent.. and so? are there wrong messages being brought to other youths in the process?

and as i was thinking about the many people who are really affecting others’ spiritual growths in church, we were broken up into groups to pray and share wad we learn… i realised chao yuan had a totally different message received through his prayer… he prayed that we will understand the seriousness of being exiled by the church and that we will never have to face such fierce circumstances.. and this can only be done by staying close to God..

wad foolishness in me! i let me pride get in my way again,.. i failed to realise that hey! i am also a sinner like any of my church mates whom i think are affecting others’ spiritual growth.. i thank God for chao’s prayer that woken up my idea.. den i thought again about wad happened this morning.. and i felt disappointed with myself… when will i let go of my spiritual pride? may God teach me to lead a humble life.. and to lead a holy life whether in church or outside.. help me God..

today’s garage prac’s the best so far.. singers really make a difference.. God help us for the garage.. thank You for the chance to serve alongside and for u… may praises rise up to you though we can’t bring them any much high.. to God be the glory!

if there’s ever a lowest point.. today is.. but its only through the low points where pple get to see many other side of things.. i wonder if this will be the lowest point or will there be an even lower point… will i still have the right attitude and heart to carry on? or will i excuse myself and chao geng? i cannot.. den how? 

if i treat sin lightly, i treat salvation lightly.. through the law, i see how horendous my sin is.. and only then can i really appreciate what Jesus Christ did on the cross for me.. and only then will i treat salvation so precious.. because its by faith alone.. by faith alone in Jesus Christ that i’m unworthy even to have faith in Jesus Christ.. yet he selected me to not only be saved but to serve him..

God will judge during the appointed time.. 

who am i? that the Lord of all the earth, would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt?

who am i? that the bright and morning star, would choose to light the way, for this ever wandering heart…

i am nothing, if i am something, an unworthy servant let me be

still you hear me, u catch me, u put christ into my life and gave me the opportunity to have faith in Lord Jesus..

its not about me, its all about God…

I want to really thank Almighty God today for providing so much! He provided me with the mouth to speak today! I’m very sure that i couldn’t have done what i did today at street e by myself.. where did the courage come from? where did the words and wisdom to react come from? surely that must have come from the Lord.. when i look back at what happened, i can only praise the Lord.. finally i know that street e is something that i can be joyful about, that i can really experience this honour to serve God in his kingdom thru a very real way.. o wad joy! may God continue to mould me into his faithful servant..

got my allowance today from sulian.. thank God.. i just want to give my mother part of it as soon as i got home but she was asleep liao.. went to jingwen’s grandpa’s wake service today.. once again reminded by the pastor that real satisfaction can only be found in Lord Jesus Christ.. and that Jesus is the way the truth and the life, no one goes to the Father except thru Him… got the opportunity to talk to jingwen today.. din noe she’s so talkative and cheery.. maybe she never really joins us in yf and stuff.. din even noe she’s already in srjc doing year 2 now! suddenly thought of winnie and her sharing of her area ministry.. think might wanna ask winnie to get to know jingwen.. haha..

 today during chien choong’s very interesting “ppt” show, i tink one thing that got me thinking was am i like saul who runs away from responsibility? maybe i wun hide in a baggage and wait for people to pull me out, but the security issue.. how do i feel before i enter somewhere new in my life? 

i remember when i first entered guards, the feeling from sian actually turned to fear.. i remembered encik shouting and i was very scared.. i just felt very insecure.. actually.. bmt also lar.. and even tjc.. that insecurity was also the kind of thing saul faced before he became king.. and that eventually led to alot of problems during his reign.. zebedee told us that even before we enter something new like uni,  we must be very sure that we will not defile ourselves, and be sure not to do delibrately do something we noe will displease God.. that, can start off with having security that God is having the control of every aspect.. its still a little bit hard to grasp now.. i still dun really noe how to equip myself for it but the rough idea is there.. zhen long’s question was.. how to deal with these kind of insecure thoughts when they come in uni? so the ideal answer is finding security in God alone.. its still abit abstract.. may the LORD open the eyes of my heart.. i tink it wasn’t by chance that i got “Saul, the man”

shall continue to read the book from randy..”making decisions by the book”